Alisandes_Mom
05-13-2006, 04:27 AM
Alisande please call me. I miss you and am still here waiting for your call. I'm not perfect, I've admitted that repeatedly and I should have pushed more to get you to talk with me but I was so afraid that you would tune me out if I pushed too hard so instead I gave you space, I now see that it was too much space. You thought that you weren't important. San, you are my only daughter, you are a piece of my heart and you will always be. I'll be here waiting, I'll always be here waiting for you. We used to talk but then you clammed up and I stepped back. I was wrong. Yes, we've disagreed but we can work out anything if you will just meet me half way and call me.
Zak was your choice of a husband and Dad and I stood behind your decision. I know you were disappointed that we couldn't welcome him with open arms and perhaps I should have put on a false front but I never have and I never will. He was your choice, we weren't going to be living with him, you were. We could accept him as your choice.
I am going to be posting messages at every board I can. I would mail you but it would just be returned. I can't call since I don't have a telephone number for you. I can't email since I don't have an email address for you. I can't call his Mom and ask her to relay a message since that would irked Zak and her too.
I could accept your choice to shut me out but that's not something that a mom can do. At least not your mom. So, I'll do as I can and keep trying however I can.
You once said that I cried too much. I tried to not let you see how much your actions hurt but you said that I was shutting you out. So I tried to be open and all I did was push you away.
I will always be your Mother.
I will always love you.
I will always be glad that you came into my life and treasure all of the times that we've had and I will always hope for more time with you.
I will always cry when I look at the picture of your growing up. Or read something that you wrote. Or just at unexpected times when I think of you and how easy everything was when you were growing up. So easy to talk, so easy to go shopping or out to eat together.
Zak was your choice of a husband and Dad and I stood behind your decision. I know you were disappointed that we couldn't welcome him with open arms and perhaps I should have put on a false front but I never have and I never will. He was your choice, we weren't going to be living with him, you were. We could accept him as your choice.
I am going to be posting messages at every board I can. I would mail you but it would just be returned. I can't call since I don't have a telephone number for you. I can't email since I don't have an email address for you. I can't call his Mom and ask her to relay a message since that would irked Zak and her too.
I could accept your choice to shut me out but that's not something that a mom can do. At least not your mom. So, I'll do as I can and keep trying however I can.
You once said that I cried too much. I tried to not let you see how much your actions hurt but you said that I was shutting you out. So I tried to be open and all I did was push you away.
I will always be your Mother.
I will always love you.
I will always be glad that you came into my life and treasure all of the times that we've had and I will always hope for more time with you.
I will always cry when I look at the picture of your growing up. Or read something that you wrote. Or just at unexpected times when I think of you and how easy everything was when you were growing up. So easy to talk, so easy to go shopping or out to eat together.